It’s been a few weeks… and I still can not believe that you are gone. Before your accident, each week when I would go to church, I used to thank God for the fact that we were all healthy, happy and that we had each other. Since your accident, I now slip in “Why Kristofer”, and “God, we miss him”. I often find myself wondering why you. It’s hard to believe that you are gone. The fact that we will never get a chance to see you smile, talk, no more looking out the window and watching all you boys playing football, no more complete family pictures because one of us will always be missing... It is especially hard to think that all we have is memories; that we will never get to make anymore memories. It’s a void in our family… one of us missing… I always tell people about our family size and what all of us do and now I won’t get to tell them about the accomplishments you are making… That is hard.
I was looking at pictures the other day… trying to find every picture I had of you. I know everyone knows what I am talking about… we’ve all gone home and search franticly for any memories of you….Its hard to look at pictures and know that they are all we have of you. I think about when you were in the hospital… lying there like you were asleep. How I wish we all could have talked to you one more time… and I wonder just what it is that I would have said to you… I am not sure what I would say… as there is so much left unsaid… “We miss you”, “We love you”, “That this is so unfair”, “That we wanted to see you get married, have kids…”
I guess if I could have said one thing to you, I would have said “I Love You”. We often forget to say that and I wonder if you ever really knew how much we all loved you. That deep down, we were always hoping the best for you… and even though we may have never really expressed it, “We were all proud of you”. I wonder if you really knew that.
I know you are in a better place, I just wish it didn’t happen so soon. I hope you know just how much I love you… and I hope that you watch over us. I love You Kristofer; I just hope you know that. This it not the end, but rather the beginning, and I know that we will all see you someday.
Alycia M. Moore
